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 Ephesians 4:29 , “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV)
Proverbs 10:19, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (NIV)

I find verbal bullying from people very difficult to deal with. This article in the blog “Jay Morrissey” explains about how to deal with that in workplace.  Some points are very useful in home settings also. Here’s a excerpt from the blog.

The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense – Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

Read the full article from the blog.
http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/01/09/the-art-of-verbal-intimidation-learn-it-and-fight-back/

Experiencing the bad

Article A Lesson in Zen: Such by agentsully in  the blog Life Learning Today

The lesson I wish to leave you with today is to not fear or run from “the bad,” the uncomfortable, the frightening, the dirty, the smelly, from hunger, sadness, pain and so on. By experiencing these things this is how we come to know the good, the comfortable, the beautiful, the delicious, peace, luxury, love, happiness, and more.

A set of words which you should copy paste and print it out and keep wherever you will see it when problems arise.

These words give me peace now. When so many issues and problems were put in front of me by life that I got scared first. Then I went through the tough times and now that I am nearly on the other side, I feel kind of good. Lots of learning’s. I am a lot stronger now than before.

One of the most successful ways to beat depression and tough times are self brain washing. You feel like you want to die but then you do need inspiration to live. This article is very good for that. It gives hope.

http://lifelearningtoday.com/2007/10/29/a-lesson-in-zen-such/

In Troubled Times

Psalm 57: 1-2 “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed.” (NKJ)

Power of Gods Word

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (NKJ)

Jeremiah 15:16 “Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart, for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.” (NKJ)

Psalm 119: 103 “How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (NKJ)

Psalm 119: 107 “I am afflicted very much; Revive me, O Lord, according to Your word.” (NKJ)

Perverted Triangle.

Article by therapy doc in her blog Everyone Needs Therapy

In healthy families the mom and pop are the head of the household. They sleep together, huddle together, think together, conspire together. They dialogue and make decisions regarding the children and the rest of the family, including how they will deal with their own parents and siblings.

If there is a primary dyad in a household it should be mom and pop. If pop and pop’s son are at the two decision makers, then mom symbolically occupies a place beneath them, one less important.

Therapists and counselors see this often in families with marital intimacy problems. If the two parents are fighting and one confides about it to one of the kids, it is putting the other partner beneath that child in the family hierarchy. By confiding the deficits and/or escapades of the other spouse (the drinking, cheating, spending, whatever), the parent who allies with the child not only empowers the child, who may or may not be comfortable with the information, but also relegates the errant spouse to the child position in the family.

If this situation continues, and if the child is really uncomfortable (as they usually are, hearing bad things about one of the parents), we consider it emotional incest.

So. Whether it’s a cultural thing that the woman is less important to the man than his son or perhaps other members of his family, or whether it’s a machismo chauvinistic thing, that the woman must respect the man but not vice versa, or whether it’s an emotional need to ally with a child in the family because of distress and/or anger at a partner, perverted triangles have to change for the family to function happily.

Click on the below link to read fully.

http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com/2006/06/blood-is-thicker-than-water.html

You and your partner come home after a days hard work and all anybody can do is just shout at each other. Or everytime you speak to your partner and it ends up in a shouting match.

This is a problem which  many couples  face. The following article  is about this issue.

The Jacks and Jills feel their emotions bubbling over before the key hits the door. Having held their tongues all day long, when they’re with the people they love, when they’re comfortable, ironically, they let loose.

I’ve heard a million times, “Where else am I supposed to let off steam?”

What does Jill really want from Jack? Not his steam.

She wants him to show her that he cares about her.

http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com/2006/12/affection-speak-responding-not-reacting.html

Readers Digest is one of my favourite magazines. I was feeling pretty down and having pity party and then I came across this article about this lady doc who tries to help Katrina hurricane victims.

Her clinic was destroyed by hurricanes and fires 3 times, each time when money was really short. But she continued. She did not go into depression but helped other out. I am not feeling sorry for myself any more but feeling sorry that I can be so stupid when actually I ought to be counting my blessings.

http://www.rd.com/content/dr-regina-benjamin—-a-healing-force/