Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Article by therapy doc in her blog Everyone Needs Therapy

In healthy families the mom and pop are the head of the household. They sleep together, huddle together, think together, conspire together. They dialogue and make decisions regarding the children and the rest of the family, including how they will deal with their own parents and siblings.

If there is a primary dyad in a household it should be mom and pop. If pop and pop’s son are at the two decision makers, then mom symbolically occupies a place beneath them, one less important.

Therapists and counselors see this often in families with marital intimacy problems. If the two parents are fighting and one confides about it to one of the kids, it is putting the other partner beneath that child in the family hierarchy. By confiding the deficits and/or escapades of the other spouse (the drinking, cheating, spending, whatever), the parent who allies with the child not only empowers the child, who may or may not be comfortable with the information, but also relegates the errant spouse to the child position in the family.

If this situation continues, and if the child is really uncomfortable (as they usually are, hearing bad things about one of the parents), we consider it emotional incest.

So. Whether it’s a cultural thing that the woman is less important to the man than his son or perhaps other members of his family, or whether it’s a machismo chauvinistic thing, that the woman must respect the man but not vice versa, or whether it’s an emotional need to ally with a child in the family because of distress and/or anger at a partner, perverted triangles have to change for the family to function happily.

Click on the below link to read fully.



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